Four years later…

Diana sighed heavily as she aimlessly wandered the halls of the Bramshire townhouse. The place felt cold and strange to her, despite her having spent her entire childhood in her family home.

She had hoped, when her mother first told her that her father expected them to return to the townhouse for Christmastide, that its familiarity and the comfort it had once offered her would help her quickly feel as she should; as though she was at home.

However, even after being back for several days, she still felt uncomfortable and on edge, as though she was an unwelcome guest in someone else’s home. Perhaps it was because that was exactly what she would be, if her father knew the truth about her stay in Bath.

Her mother had been more than gracious with her since their return. The Countess had allowed Diana to stay in her bedchambers as much as she liked without disturbing her, and she even went into town most days so that Diana would have the house to herself.

She tried to show her mother appreciation for her kindness and leniency, but her heart remained heavy. She dreaded the upcoming holiday season, especially all the Christmastide events and celebrations she would, no doubt, be expected to attend. She knew well what the rest of London’s high society thought of her, and she knew that four years would hardly change it. Especially once they saw her out in public again.

With another sigh, Diana returned to her bedchambers. She was just preparing to try to take her mind off things with a book when there was a knock at the door. She looked up to see her mother enter the room, a small smile on her face.

“Good day, darling,” she said, walking over to her daughter and gently caressing her cheek. “How are you?”

Diana gave her mother her best, bravest smile.

“I am well, Mother,” she said. “How was your trip into town?”

The Countess’s smile widened, but her eyes showed a spark of apprehension.

“I postponed the trip,” she said. “I thought that you and I could go together today instead.”

Diana frowned. She had known she would not be able to hide away in the townhouse forever, but she had hoped to do so for a few more days.

“Mother,” Diana began, but the Countess kissed her daughter’s forehead and gently put a finger to her lips.

“I know that you are nervous about returning to normal life here,” she said. “But I really believe that a little shopping trip would do you some good.”

Diana looked at her mother sadly. Once upon a time, she would have been filled with joy at the prospect of spending the day shopping and milling about London’s many wonderful shops. Now, however, the very thought filled her with a sickening dread.

But she did not wish to let her mother down. The Countess was the one person on whom she could always rely, even during her darkest times, when most mothers would have disowned their daughters. She had promised her mother that she would try to make the best of things, and she knew that was exactly what she should do.

Giving her mother another false smile of bravery, she nodded.

“That sounds lovely,” she said, not surprised to hear her voice sounding as uncertain as she truly felt.

The Countess nodded, seeming to understand. She kissed Diana’s forehead again and patted her shoulder.

“I shall be at your side always, my darling,” she said. “Everything will be all right. You will see.”

Diana nodded, still smiling her empty smile.

“I know, Mother,” she said.

The Countess was full of excited chatter on the carriage ride into town, and Diana was content to let her and Penny talk animatedly to one another, contributing very little to the conversation. She was trying to keep herself calm and convince herself that her mother was right and that everything would be all right. She struggled to make herself believe it, however.

By the time they reached Bond Street, Diana felt that she had to put all her concentration on keeping her heart from pounding straight out of her chest. Nevertheless, when the carriage came to a stop in front of a row of high-class shops, she gave her mother a bright smile. She could at least ensure that she did not ruin the day for her mother, no matter how uncomfortable she felt.

She allowed her mother to lead her into a modiste’s shop. The Countess was immediately impressed with the wide variety of fabrics, ribbons, and trimmings. Diana smiled sadly, recalling a time, just a few years prior, when she would have been every bit as thrilled about browsing the beautiful selections as her mother was, and desperately wishing that she could regain that innocent, carefree attitude.

She knew that could never be, however, no matter how much she wished it. Still, she kept a smile on her face and murmured about how lovely each item that her mother showed her was, to show her mother that she would keep her word and try to make a good day out of the trip.

Just after noon, the Countess suggested that they visit one of the cafés that were scattered throughout the best shopping districts of London. Although Diana was still too tense to be hungry, she smiled and nodded to her mother in agreement.

She and her mother used to love spending the day shopping and then treating themselves to a nice lunch or dinner. Diana had no doubt that this was another attempt by her mother to help her relax and enjoy the day, and she did not want to hurt her mother’s feelings by rejecting the idea. Still, she silently wished they could return home and have a picnic in the townhouse garden instead.

As they stepped out of the modiste’s shop and back onto Bond Street, the delicious aroma of fresh mince pies caught Diana’s attention. She stopped and took a deep breath, smiling her first genuine smile all day. Her mother noticed, stopping before they reached the carriage.

“The bakery is just down from here,” the Countess said, winking at her daughter. “Would you like to go there instead?”

Diana looked at her mother and smiled.

“Could we?” she asked.

The Countess patted her daughter’s arm and nodded.

“Of course, we can, darling,” she said.

Diana smiled, walking beside her mother as they headed for the bakeshop. As they drew closer, the smell intensified, and Diana felt her stomach leap at the prospect of a delicious pie.

As they entered the shop, the smell enveloped the women. Diana felt a stirring of emotions, just as she always did as a child when entering a bakery. For that moment, all her troubles were replaced with fond memories and pleasant aromas, and the delightful promise of a delectable treat.

She was so enthralled by the smell of the pies that she did not see the woman exiting the shop. It was not until she felt her shoulder collide with the other lady’s that she realized she was there at all.

Blushing, Diana turned to face the woman, a profuse apology ready on her lips. When her eyes reached the woman’s face, however, the words died before she could open her mouth.

“As clumsy as you are without decorum, I see,” the Duchess of Lambridge said, scowling at her.

Diana opened and closed her mouth, fumbling now out of fear as much as embarrassment.

“I—I apologize…” she began.

“You really should be more careful, Diana,” the Duchess said. Then, without another word, she pushed past Diana in a huff and headed toward the door of the shop.

As Diana watched Jasper’s mother exit the bakery, she felt tears sting her eyes. There had been a time, whenever she and Jasper were courting, that Lady Lambridge had treated her with fond kindness. She had even told her, on one occasion, that she was glad her son had met her, and how she saw her as her own daughter. She felt foolish for ever having believed such a thing, even though she was quite sure that Jasper’s mother could not have known what her son had been up to.

Just then, her own mother rejoined her, having likely overheard the Duchesses’ unpleasant remarks.

“Are you quite all right, darling?” the Countess asked, touching her daughter’s arm.

Diana jumped, still tense from the encounter. She instinctively donned another false smile and nodded, blinking away her tears.

“Yes, Mother,” she said. “I am well. Shall we get our pies?”

Though her heart was no longer in the task, Diana smiled politely at the baker and placed her order alongside her mother’s. She maintained her smile, as the man handed the women their treats, and the Countess paid him. She helped her mother carry the pies back to the waiting carriage, still smiling, hoping that her mother would not notice anything amiss.

The carriage ride back home was a silent one. Diana could not be sure whether her mother had actually noticed her encounter with the Duchess, but she had no intention of mentioning it. The sooner she could put the incident behind her, the sooner she could concentrate on worrying about her father’s return, and about the upcoming holiday events that she would be expected to attend when he was home.

As soon as the carriage pulled up in front of their townhouse, Diana politely excused herself, completely abandoning her pie, and ran up to her bedchambers. She fell into the chair that sat in front of her bedroom window and sighed, once more desperately wishing that she were back at her family’s country home.

As she had so many times in the past four years, she wished that she had never met Jasper Moore, let alone fallen for his evil charms and that her life would not remain so joyless for the rest of her days. Yet, as she always did when she caught herself thinking such things, she told herself there was no way of turning back time, and that she must simply learn to deal with things as they presently stand. No amount of wishing, or even praying, would change anything.

She was not at all surprised when the Countess tried to slip into her room. She had, after all, forgotten to lock the door when she had rushed in earlier. She simply turned to her mother and put on her best faux smile.

“Good evening, Mother,” she said, trying to keep her tone light.

The Countess shook her head, putting a finger to her lips.

“Darling,” she said. “You do not have to pretend with me, remember? I know that your encounter with Lady Lambridge upset you, and I cannot blame you.”

Diana rose from her seat, feeling an undeserved resentment toward her mother. She was sure that the Countess meant well, but the last thing she wanted was to talk about Jasper, or his mother, or any of it. The point of her returning to London had been so she could put the past behind her, forget all about it, not to relive it. Yet, she found all she had done so far was a recall, suffer, and relive the nightmare. She shook her head in exasperation.

“Well, of course, it did,” Diana said. “She could not have been ruder if she had tried, of that I am certain.”

The Countess nodded and stood, walking over to her daughter.

“She was unnecessarily cruel, to be sure,” she said. “But would her coldness have bothered you, if some part of you had not been dwelling in the past, and on your relationship with her son?”

Diana opened her mouth and then closed it again. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, her mother was right. Had she been able to let go of her past with Jasper, the encounter with his mother, though still insulting and rude, would have been far less emotionally draining.

“Darling,” the Countess continued, putting her hands on her daughter’s shoulders. “It has been four years. You must put the past where it belongs. Do not let it be a terrible ghost that haunts your future.”

Diana opened her mouth to speak once more but stopped as she saw the urgency in her mother’s face. She knew the Countess did not understand things as Diana did. And her mother had been so loving and good to her when she had needed her most. Starting a feud with her would only put distance between her and the only person who was willing to stand beside her, despite her terrible, life-wrecking mistake.

After another moment of silence, Diana stepped toward her mother and embraced her.

“I know, Mama,” she said, something she had not called her mother since she was young. “I will try. I promise.”

The Countess pulled away from her daughter, the relief evident on her face. She kissed Diana on the forehead and patted her gently on the cheek.

“There’s my girl,” the Countess said. “Oh, and do not forget your father’s arrival early tomorrow morning. I am certain that he will be very much looking forward to seeing his daughter again.”

Diana nodded and smiled at her mother, secretly dreading her father’s return. She slept little that night, and when the sun began peeking over the horizon, she shivered, not from cold, but from knowing the sunrise brought with it another day of trying to pretend that her past did not exist, and that she was happy with her life.

As she entered the breakfast room the following morning, she saw that, indeed, both of her parents were there. When the Earl saw her enter, he stopped the conversation he was having with his wife and smiled broadly. She smiled back at her father, her heart beating wildly. She loved him, and she had missed him during the six months he had been away living in the Far East. But she was as nervous as she was excited about seeing her father, especially with the upcoming holiday social events.

She knew that her return to London would rekindle the old rumors that had spread throughout the ton after Jasper ended their courtship, and she feared that her father might begin to suspect that there was more to her relationship and dissolved courtship with Jasper than he was previously led to believe.

“Good morning, darling,” the Earl said, rising and hurrying over to his daughter. “How I have missed you, my dear.”

Diana kissed her father’s cheeks, embracing him.

“And I have missed you, Father,” she said, glancing at her mother over the Earl’s shoulder. The Countess gave her an encouraging smile and nod, and Diana took a deep, slow breath. “How was your trip?”

The Earl reclaimed his seat, still smiling at Diana, and began telling her and her mother of all his adventures and business acquisitions that occurred while he was overseas.

Diana listened intently, more than happy for something to take her mind off the past few days by hearing all about what her father had been doing while absent. Though the table was missing her brother, who now lived with his wife, the atmosphere was almost exactly as it had been throughout Diana’s childhood.

Soon, however, the Earl excused himself to go to his study, saying that he had a great deal of paperwork to attend to following the deals he had made while out East. The Countess, too, excused herself, having previously arranged to go into town. Fortunately, she did not ask Diana to accompany her, for which Diana was exceedingly grateful. She decided that she would spend the day in the drawing room, making Christmas decorations. She knew that there was some red and green paper from which she could create some lovely peonies that would make lovely decorations for the mantle and the dining hall. It was an activity she had always loved as a child, and she felt sure that it would soothe her aching and ragged nerves.

With a smile, and a kiss for both of her parents as they departed, she retreated to the drawing room. A day of immersing herself in simple crafts would do her a world of good. She felt sure of it.